I am contemplating a new job. I have become somewhat apathetic with my current position and I am not feeling confident that things will get better. For the first time in a long time, I am feeling angst. In the past I would have turned to “god” for guidance- asked for a sign of some sort so I would know what “he” wanted me to do. But since realizing that there is no actual god with an imaginary neon light that will ever flash brightly in front of me with the answer, I’m left to figure it out for myself.
I realize that this is one of the reasons people “believe” in an all-knowing eight-ball in the sky; it’s much easier to ask someone else to make your decisions for you. It’s easier to look for a sign to show you what you’re supposed to do. It’s easier to dismiss one’s own hard work, networking capabilities, right-place-right-time happenchance as “God’s” way of telling us what to do next. And it’s much easier to assume that the “god” has some noble plan for us when things don’t work out.
So here I am, trying to make this decision without the false-god-confidence and I’m forced to choose between two options, not knowing which one is better.
As I think about my current job versus this potential job, I’m left thinking, if I had to choose one or the other, which one would I choose. In the past I would have turned to prayer, these days I turn to logic and then ultimately I think about which would make me happier. This requires a great deal of honesty with myself. Do I stay with the job I have because it’s easier job and even though I will make less money I’ll be able to maintain the freedom that I currently have? Plus I know that I will have a guaranteed paycheck every month and I feel emotionally attached to this company since I worked there for the past five years. Or, do I go for the new one, not knowing for sure if I will like it at all and even though the income potential is greater, I will not have a regular salary because it is commission-only sales and I’ll have to give up working from home and go into an office every day? Plus I’m going to have to work harder than I do now–This is where personal values come in; values that only we can define. Values which ultimately determine the choices we make.
I remember when I was a believer and I had a big decision to make, I’d pray and pray and pray, asking for a sign, any sign! “Please God, just give me a sign! One that I can see or hear or feel! Just one so I will know that I am doing what You want me to do.” But I never seemed to get a response.
When I would ask my other believer-friends how they know what God wanted them to do, they would tell me they knew they were making the right decision when they felt, “a peace come over them”.
So here I am wondering what I’m going to do realizing that I am the only one responsible for this decision. What will I do?
Two days after writing the above, I was asked to come in for a second interview. Without hesitation I declined. I realized that even though there was more money to be made with the new company, the job itself did not appeal to me and I knew that I would not be happy if I took the position. I am not unhappy in my current position I’ve just become bored and it’s up to me to step it up a notch. So I did. And this past week as been more productive than the several weeks prior. I am happy with my decision and I made it all by myself.
Turns out, you don’t need “god” to feel at peace with a good decision you just have to make the one that’s right for you.